It’s been almost two weeks since I last posted here on The Happy Accident. I feel badly about that, as I try to keep to a consistent schedule here and have stated so publicly. I feel a responsibility to myself and to all of you to follow through, and I do not ever feel good when I’ve failed to keep my end of a “deal.”
Now, I wouldn’t say I feel guilty. Instead, I feel disappointed and responsible. I’m looking at the hows and whys and trying to see what my next step is. But in looking at my social media use, and in talking to others over these past two weeks, it’s clear there’s a lot of guilt and negativity piling up around social media.
I don’t think that’s healthy. I also don’t think it’s necessary. So I wanted to discuss this in two parts (even if it’s just me talking with myself!). Today, I want to share some of the reasons I’ve been hearing and experiencing for these negative feelings and encourage you to share what you’re hearing and feeling.
Later, I’d like to look at the reasons and try to re-frame the issues so we can get rid of the negative feelings. I can do that on my own “stuff” only, but I’d love to hear more.
GUILTY AS CHARGED
Here are some of the reasons I’ve been feeling and hearing for the negativity. Consider this a starter list, with my encouragement to add to it. If it proves to be the whole list, I will celebrate with joy and glee.
- I spend too much time on social media.
- I don’t spend enough time on social media.
- I can’t keep to my schedule.
- I miss important news and information because I can’t keep up with every blog/FB update.
- I can’t keep up with all the changes.
- I’m on a network but don’t use it, and I feel badly for the people I connected with.
- I’m not doing the right things in my time online.
Do any of these sound familiar? Do you have other areas you’re hearing about or feeling? Please feel free to share in the comment or on Twitter or wherever. Let’s not hide from the negatives. Let’s unite and defeat them. Or at least talk together and share chocolate!
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I frequently feel torn concerning social media. To begin with, I SHOULD be writing, not socializing. Add to that feeling the fact that some of my ‘friends’ with whom I really do want to keep in touch must spend 20 hours a day online. They’re posting a new link on facebook on an average of 6 to 10 an hour…on every subject from chickens to politics. I’m sure I’m missing something but I just don’t have the time to read through all that stuff.
On the other hand, I’m rather introverted and I think I tend to hide rather than take advantage of the social media sites that are within my reach. But I’m not a computer geek. While one of my boys says I So where do you hit a happy medium when it comes to social media? I’m clueless…in more ways than one.
Hmmm. Well, THAT didn’t come out the way I wrote it!. It was supposed to read that my son thinks I need to learn html and css so I can take better advantage of what’s available on the net. Sorry folks. Ain’t gonna do it.
k m mittan´s last [type] ..The question is – who did it?
Oh, I don’t think it’s cluelessness. I think it’s all a matter of choice. And while I understand your son’s point of view, I don’t think it makes sense for most people to learn HTML and CSS. And I don’t think most of us need to to reach our own goals with social media.
Thanks for the thoughts! I have much more to say on all this, as I think we need to feel better about this. At least I do, anyway!
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
Greg, Greg, Greg…what the heck were you doing in my head?! You just hit on everything I have been thinking/feeling this week. Another thing that is bothering me (and this is more specific to my blog) is wondering if it should be more focused-mine is very eclectic right now, there is no real platform as far as I can see…hmmm, not wording this quite right. Maybe it’s like this:
I feel badly for the people who have followed me, I am not delivering what they expected, I’m still working out my social media voice.
And–if I get it together, start narrowing the blogs focus, I have all these followers who may be going ‘huh’? Yeah, it’s been on my mind _a lot_.
Thanks for this and getting the conversation out there, especially for those of us relatively new. Good to know
Deb Marshall´s last [type] ..Random Acts of Kindness Giveaway Hop-Feb 17-Feb 21
When I was in your head, Deb, I did a bit of redecorating. I hope you don’t mind!
And when I started asking around, it turns out that lots of folks are sharing these same thoughts. It’s not a healthy cycle for any of us….
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
LOL…don’t mind at all. Feel all calm, cool and collected–looking at social media with reasonable expectations now….
Deb Marshall´s last [type] ..Random Acts of Kindness Giveaway Hop-Feb 17-Feb 21
Except for the one about being on a network I don’t use, all these points apply to me at some time or other. Lately, I really wish I had more time to read other blogs and some of the publishing news items I’ve seen linked to, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Carmela Martino´s last [type] ..Try One New Thing
I always wish there were more time, too. But I’m pretty sure that IF there was more available time, we would still find ourselves in the same position. I never run out of things I’d like to do….
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
You have hit the nail on the head Greg. I think with the late start of the New Year most people feel overwhelmed. My guilt stems from the release of my book in May. Though I have had seven years to prepare I feel way behind. When I was in New York for the SCBWI conference and met with my editor, he came up with a new site and blog for me to work. “The Rushmore Kid” and blog for kids and adults, “Why I love America.” This is a brilliant concept on his part and I must say in this divisive political atmosphere a celebration for common ground. But the amount of work for another blog! Yikes!
Throw me a life preserver I’m drowning and need air! Here’s the good news though. I had a conversation with Darcy Patterson, novelist cyber guru, and she told me that Facebook and twitter are fine they don’t give your name any numbers, Facebook and Twitter get the traffic numbers on Google search. So Blogs rule and are worth the effort. My blog, Tales from the Rushmore Kid, Googles,
over 1.5 million hits.
Tina Nichols Coury´s last [type] ..A Nugget from Caroline Hatton – Barbara Jean Hicks
Ahh, another source o’ stress – someone gives you a great idea, and the time it takes to do it means, well, that is an issue by itself.
I’m not sure what Darcy meant, so I don’t know how to take it. FB, Blogs, and Twitter can all be important pieces of a puzzle, and all accomplish different things. Google is not the only result that matters, nor is traffic, nor is (etc. etc. etc.).
Life preservers sound like a good idea!
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
With a book coming out this May, I know I should be doing more. But then it takes away from my writing time. And I’m always wondering if anything I’m doing, is actually working.
There’s always tension about whether what we do is working… and what “working” looks like… and whether if we DIDN’T do anything, would things look different and and and! This is part of why we feel bad, I suspect – we just don’t conclusively know. BUT, I think there are answers in how we approach this: our expectations and goals can reduce the bad feelings. Or so I think. More on that next time….
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
Janie,
All the cyber stuff is hard to judge, but the houses now look at it.
I heard at the conference that an author should devote one hour each day to marketing.
When publicity was hard copy and more expensive, it was hard to judge too. Better too much than too little.
Tina Nichols Coury´s last [type] ..A Nugget from Caroline Hatton – Barbara Jean Hicks
I’m so glad you posted this. I can resonate with the majority of your list. Am glad to hear am not alone in my social medial guilt.
I feel guilty about my blogs only because I’ve set a standard for myself. And that is to post weekly; however, life often throws me a curve ball and a week will go by, two weeks and then the guilt seeps in. At this point I have to tell myself, no one really cares, or is even keeping record of how many times you post, expect for the counter thingy that word press has etc. But I’ve made a commitment and must keep to it!!!!
I feel, at times, overwhelmed with social media how-to-stuff and guilty that I’ve not mastered it yet! And if I do, something new comes a long and I’m like yikes.
I do think a lot of my guilt is obviously self-imposed! So I do a lot of self-talking to snap out of it. I do what I can do, and do my best and so on. Thanks again, it’s good to know this guilt is a real thing!!!
Oh, it is real, indeed. And what’s fascinating is how common it is.
As I said, I think most of it is misplaced (and not helpful). I suspect it’s usually about our unclear expectations and goals plus our natural desire to do MORE. This’ll be the subject of the next blog post.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
Absolutely, Greg! You are so right. But I think writers are prone to feeling guilty about a LOT of things, including placing the blame on themselves for things they have no control over. Of course we CAN control our blogging consistency but then we wouldn’t have *that* to feel guilty about. LOL! While I do feel guilty for not blogging more frequently (I have 2 blogs! One for writing and one for ballet) , I think what can be accomplished via FB is – for me right now – of greater benefit. At another point, it may be the other way around.
Cheers~
Leigh
Wow, yes, this has been plaguing me a lot lately as I struggle to keep up with what I think I should be doing, along with writing, work, life, etc. My guilt is re: not enough time on social media. I feel guilty that I don’t follow people back quickly enough on Twitter, that I don’t comment and/or like my friends FB posts enough, that I miss birthdays on FB, that I don’t read friends and colleagues’ blogs enough (and commenting), that I’m not reading all the industry blogs I should be, that I haven’t had time to read the industry e-newsletters I get. That I barely keep up my own websites, that I’m not on top of updating the profiles on all the social media sites I’m on. I could keep going! But now I’m neglecting email…
Great topic, Greg. Yes, social media has become one more thing I feel guilty. I especially resonate with Katy McCullough’s list of reasons.
Funny. It used to be writers had to feel guilty only about shutting themselves up in their offices, avoiding family get-togethers, neglecting their children and spouses. Ah, those were the good old days, back when all we had to worry about was destroying face-to-face relationships.
Oh YES!! All of it! The guilt, the pressure, the “why is this working” or “why isn’t this working.” Definitely interferes with the writing, which is supposed to be the most important part.
I have a cabin in the woods where there’s no internet access, and I can’t tell you how nice it is to head out there on a Saturday and spend all day tucked away with no internet, and then go to bed with a good book and not feel guilty about all the hundreds of social media-y things I should be doing, or could be doing, or should have done, or didn’t do three weeks ago when I promised…
I think social media and agonizing over publicity for our books has become a defining part of being a writer in the twenty-first century. And I think it’s going to result in many fantastic writers self-selecting out of the business.
What Darcy said is that Facebook and Twitter posts (tweets) don’t reflect on your Google numbers, only your blog posts do. I’m not sure if that means commenting on blogs also. As a pain as it is, everyone should have a blog and post.
Tina Nichols Coury´s last [type] ..A Nugget from Caroline Hatton – Barbara Jean Hicks
Again, Tina, I’m not sure what “Google numbers” means in this case. If it means it doesn’t help you appear higher in search, that’s probably true. Then again, if it gets you readers who link to your blogs or link to your author page or find your website or or or. No one metric works in these areas.
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
I think the first two items on your list sum it up for me. “I spend too much time on social media.” And, “I don’t spend enough time on social media.” That’s a conflict that’s pretty hard to resolve!
I know I don’t spend enough time on social media. I don’t use Twitter as well as I could; I really don’t know the point of google+ or networked blogs, even though I have both; not sure what the purpose of fb is for a blog. In short, I don’t know what I am doing with social media and feel guilty that I don’t take the time to learn how to utilize it better.
Alex Baugh´s last [type] ..The Berlin Boxing Club by Robert Sharenow
“Guilt? We ain’t got no guilt. We don’t need no guilt! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ guilt!”
I’d say this has a lot more to do with goal setting and decision-making than it has to do with social media. The world is getting more connected. The internet was the first huge means for virtual connecting (boom and bubble 1995-2000). Facebook, Twitter, Slideshare, LinkedIn, Youtube, Pinterest, and various other forms of social media share many similar positive characteristics – rapid adoption and large numbers, but many of the negative ones as well – lack of clarity as to what works, illusory expectations of outcomes, and unclear monetization models. We are in pretty much the same place with social media as we were with the internet 1995-2000. It is almost guaranteed for most of us that much of the effort that we are investing now in blogs or twitter or facebook will end up being either completely useless or will be just a down payment on the way to something that is actually useful.
Social media is a tool with great promise, we just don’t know what that promise is yet. This requires decision-making under conditions of extreme uncertainty. So how much time and effort should be invested in something new with a highly uncertain pay-off (and in which media; there’s another new social media bauble every couple of months)? – it is impossible to tell. The question is perhaps better posed: given all the alternatives for what I wish to achieve and the constraints under which I operate (only 24 hours in a day), how much can I invest in social media and how disciplined should I be in executing that investment plan? If I need to invest an hour in blogging each day for a year with clear measurable goals for what I expect to achieve then I should feel guilty if I don’t execute as I intend or don’t have the self-discipline to follow through on the results that I am seeing. The danger is in that initial goal setting and decision-making. Many people don’t set goals and don’t follow disciplined patterns of decision-making. The downside of social media is that it is accessible to everyone and it is so easy to get sucked in to throwing more and more time and effort into a set of activities that have no directly measurable benefit and to chasing after each new exciting platform that comes down the pike. But that is not dissimilar to the investments we make in other things such as education, careers, relationships, etc. Yes, social media is new but in many ways it is just one more set of uncertainties with huge potential.
There are gleanings that we can share about what works and what doesn’t with regard to the particulars about each of these media but I am guessing that the bulk of the stress and frustration is associated with poor goal setting and decision-making rather than anything unique to social media.
My key point didn’t come across.
We are probably individually better off choosing to do a few things really consistently and well rather than dissipating our time haphazzardly across many possible, enticing and exciting opportunities.
The power of No!
I think your point did come across, Charles, though I think your simplified version rocks, too. I believe it’s more than just goals, but also expectations and beliefs that factor in to it… but it leads to the same concrete actions we can take. More on this in future posts. And thanks for the thoughts!
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
Hi Greg,
I’m new to the entire world of Kidlitosphere, blogging and the world of social media, but as I started falling down the rabbit hole, I had a nagging feeling that along with the social interaction, dialogue and sharing of thoughts and ideas, this had the potential of a giant maw that had to be fed frequently.
I read a piece about an 18 year old high school student who recently disconnected from Facebook as he was constantly checking to see how many “likes” he had and when they weren’t appearing, he began feeling badly about himself. It became a substitute for real relationships available right in his school. It sort of spoke to me about the disconnect so many people feel today in a culture where social media interaction is a sort of substitute for the “connectedness” essential to all relationships – the desire for the conversation about what matters in the everyday. So I guess my gut feeling is that social media is great as a technology born of a culture which longs for connection, but is never a even swap for the face to face where there’s the subtlety of nuance, eye contact and body language and most especially, if it’s a have to.
Oh yes, Greg. So much guilt (or something like it). Between my 2-year-old and my job, everything blog-related has been back-burnered lately. I manage to share links on Twitter, because that’s very fast, and read a few blogs that I subscribe to by email, and that’s about it. So I feel badly about:
- The blogs that I used to read, and don’t have time for, especially those written by people who have become dear friends of mine.
- The people who signed up for my newsletter, expecting a range of literacy news and book reviews, who are now mostly getting late picturebook reviews from the Cybils (and will soon not even be getting that).
- The publishers who I requested books from that I don’t have time to read (though I’m taking care of that by not requesting much anymore).
- The people who RT me, etc., on Twitter, or +K me on Klout, who I often don’t even have time to thank.
I understand, of course, that most of these people do not even notice any of these omissions. But still…. they weigh on me from time to time.
Jen Robinson´s last [type] ..Cars Galore: Peter Stein & Bob Staake
I do feel an obligation to keep blogging, but since I view it primarily as a form of auxiliary memory, and I read and review so that I can get good books to my students, I consider it part of my job as a school librarian. There are some people who read my blog regularly, and I don’t want to disappoint them. As for facebook or anything else, I feel no obligation or guilt at all. I think facebook is just creep. I only go on it to make sure my children aren’t posting half naked pictures of themselves on it.
I DO feel guilty that I don’t write more letters to my friends!
I always feel guilty and I hate it. I’m returning to blogging (today!) after being away for months for a variety of reasons. But I’m trying something new (for me) and going back to basics. Since my new blog is now integrated into my website I (couldn’t take the headaches of LiveJournal anymore) it means none of my old readers will automatically find me. They’ll have to go to the old blog, see the announcement, go to the new blog, etc. I’m going to lose a lot of readers but hopefully will build them back up again.
But I think that gives me an opportunity to come back to blogging for the reasons I enjoy it most, to think out loud. To blog not out of a sense of obligation but because I enjoy sharing what’s going on in my life and the interesting things I find along the way.
Of course if I never get a comment over there I might change my tune but honestly, at this stage of my life, enough with the guilt already.
Susan Taylor Brown´s last [type] ..A Patchwork Life is Okay With Me
Thanks, all, for the great comments. It seems we’re all touching on similar areas and concerns, and I plan to address a lot of it in my next post (and hope you’ll all jump in there, too!). That post’ll be up, you know, when I can get it up and NOT before! (This week, I tell ya. This week!).
I hope folks will feel free to add to this thread, in the meantime (and beyond then, too).
Greg Pincus´s last [type] ..Do You Have Social Media Guilt?
This is an interesting observation, Greg.
Being very new-to-the-scene, I guess I don’t have many feelings of social media guilt. I tweet what I tweet when I tweet, post what I post when I post.
While a sample size of one doesn’t mean much, I do wonder if the feelings of guilt are felt most strongly by longer-term “socialites” who feel that they owe something to their readers. Perhaps you just need to remember what it was like to be a newbie? When on the outside looking in, just contributing anything probably felt like an accomplishment. So, as a reader of this blog and of some of the posters above, my advice is: Do what you can when you can. The readers who really care will be happy to hear from you when they do, even if it’s been awhile.
-Ed
Ed DeCaria´s last [type] ..Why Do We Cling To Books?
Greg,
I would not say that I feel guilty. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
I know a lot of publishing professionals believe that social media is a necessity for promotion, but I have my doubts. I’m commited to blogging because I’m interested in writing essays as well as children’s literature, and my blog posts give me an opportunity to do what I call “flash nonfiction.” I am on Facebook, but I find it very superficial compared to blogging. I’m not even interested in trying Twitter because I don’t believe the 140 character business would be of much writing value to me, and I’m not convinced of its marketing value. Sure there are success stories for Facebook and Twitter. But what percentage of writers who use those sites get much real success from them? There just has to be a better use of our time.
I’m a very old blogger. My blog goes back 10 years. When I started, I googled the term “children’s literature blog” and came up with maybe 6. Around 2005 or 2006, what we term the kidlitosphere exploded. It was a very exciting time. However, as more and more blogs were created, it became more and more difficult to create or maintain readership. There’s just so much pie, and there are too many people wanting a piece of it. For that reason, I don’t agree with Tina that everyone should have a blog. Unless you have a compelling reason to blog, it just seems, again, that there has to be a better use of time.
Though I’m sure you can tell that I don’t know what that better use of time is.
Gail Gauthier´s last [type] ..The Irish Troubles Are More Interesting Than Iron Age Speculation